Taking Charge

I always am sooo insecure about my weight and my looks...and lately, especially around that time of the month, I feel even worse (as I'm sure we all do), but to the point where it affects EVERYONE around me.

I decided I want to take some time every day, or even every week, to just look at myself and find something about my body that I actually LIKE...maybe then I'll be able to gain a little bit more confidence in myself, and be able to work harder toward my weight goal...

I'm hoping that maybe if I'm more okay with my body, I'll feel happier and more motivated to get things done...

ABBA

    Have you ever gotten a song stuck in your head that you just can't get out no matter what you do? You sing other songs, dance your heart out to every other catchy tune possible, run them all through your head thousands of times, and at the end of it all, that first song is still playing over and over and over in your head...oh man...No thanks to the movie Mama Mia...lol...I now have a ton of Abba songs stuck in my head. The thing is, I haven't even watched it recently *rolls eyes*... what the heck man?

Friendships

     Something I have noticed with the word "friend" is that everyone has their own little definition of the word. I don't like that idea, because it makes it hard for anyone to ever really become "good friends". You never know if they're thinking friendship means the same thing as you think it means, or if their idea of the whole thing is a polar opposite.
     Realizing this has helped me to see the reasoning behind the fact that I've never really had a best friend whom also considered me a best friend...Isn't that like...the most depressing thing ever?

Ali I'm glad to have you as my best friend, and I love that I know I'm your best friend too. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Now I just need a best "girlfriend" too :(...I need friendsssss haha

Oh no you di'nt!!!

Soooo to make a very long story relatively short, I'm going to start by stating the following (courtesy of a group title on a forum I follow):

My MIL(mother-in-law) is a crapburger!!!!

    Hahahahaha. Okay so now that I've said that and gotten it out of my system, its time for a little background. I have been dating my boyfriend since October of 2009. We took a little break at the begining of this year, but we're going strong :). He is pretty much the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I can't imagine my life without him..*hint hint* ;-).
    We met online through mutual friends, and have been pretty much best friends since. He's always been there for me no matter what, and I like to think that I've been there for him as well. One of the ways he has helped me caused a lot of problems for him and his family. His completely self-less act caused his parents to become withdrawn and angry. They thought he was throwing his life away for being too trusting, and were convinced that he was being scammed. Because of that mistrust, when we got together, we decided to keep our relationship a secret from them until we felt the time was right. After a while, they found out the hard way that he was again involved with me, only this time we were in a relationship. Needless to say, they were not happy. I don't want to go into specifics on the things that have been said to me, and assumed about me, but I will say they are not true. I've been hurt that his parents would not give me even the smallest chance to prove to them that I can be trusted and that I am a good partner for their son
    So, here we are again, at square one. Things being said. Insults thrown. Accusations galore. His mother has informed Ali, who informed me that she is against our relationship, and true to form, has also thrown more accusations and assumptions my way... This time, we're handling it better, and things are getting easier with an end in sight. Ali is going to University in the fall, and hopefully after a while coming here to Utah to be with me. His parents are, for now, letting him become more independant, though they are on the verge of having an aneurysm or something due to lack of control over their son. ;) hahaha.
    No matter how much they hurt me, I know that I will always love their son, and that no amount of disapproval can keep us from making ourselves happy. I've had many sleepless nights wishing that his mother could see the things I do for him, and could see the way we talk to each other and treat each other, but now I know that she doesn't need to see any of it. Even if she did, I am not convinced she would change. I've extended the olive branch numerous times and they throw it back in my face. I will not be phased. I will stand strong and I will succeed.

So much for short...hehe...this entry started out as something to help me vent about the things Ali and I have had to endure together. It has turned into something of a revelation. I feel bad for all you suckers out there who have to read it ;). Then again...who knows...maybe someone else is having a similar problem... Maybe, just maybe, my strength will give them strength.