A Matter of Self Image

     This July 4th I had the chance to hang out with a photographer friend of mine, whom I have mentioned before. We decided after a few weeks of me constantly hating myself because of my weight, that we would set a day for a photo shoot. We hoped that by seeing myself in some actual portraits, with little to no editing, I would begin to see that what I view as "flaws" only add to my character (when I say character, he means beauty :-P). Though I was not too happy with a few of the photos of myself, there were a few that really made me wonder what it was I hated so much. I must admit I have felt a little bit better about myself since the shoot. Though I still have days where I can barely look at myself, no doubt due to the media's image of "perfect women", I am starting to see that something other than super skinny can still be beautiful. Of course, Stuart has been telling me all along that I needn't change a thing :-) (except perhaps to grow out my hair, hehe).

  

When Dreams Become Reality...

       Have you ever woken up from an amazing dream and remembered every detail in every perfect moment? This was my experience as I awoke this morning. Though I am sure with time the memories of the moments may fade, the feeling it left me with couldn't possibly. Have you ever wished dreams came true? Have you ever hoped for the impossible as you stare up at the stars? Have you ever considered what our dreams are telling us about what our future may hold?
       I don't claim to be an expert on dreams. I don't claim to know anything, really, though I do have my own hopes and dreams, and possibly that is where the idea that our dreams may be telling the future comes from. True, these are probably just the rantings of some crazy chick who seems to be all over the place lately....but what if I'm right? No, I don't think that every horrible nightmare is telling us that we are going to end up drowning, walking down the hallways naked, being chased by zombies, or whatever else your twisted minds come up with (that would be insane!). When I dream, some are in black and white, some are in technicolor, some only have one or two colors that stand out to me, but I feel every single one of them does have a meaning. NO, an umbrella does not mean I'm thinking about sex. NO, dreaming about a fan, a TV, a dresser, or my boyfriend, does NOT mean I am thinking about sex (any of my peeps who took psych will find this amusing :-P). By meaning, I....mean...lol...that when I dream...my mind is putting things into perspective in a way that I can fully comprehend where the BIGGEST and most important issues and/or desires lay.
       I will not be telling you what my dream was about, especially since I have yet to even tell Stuart, though I'm not sure I will even be telling him. At least not for a while. I will tell you that, though I have been down a similar road before, the road I am on currently is definitely where I need to be. It is filled with positive thinking and tons of support from all of those close to me. I need not make any more excuses for others as I travel down this path and can finally simply sit back and enjoy the ride. I know what I want. I know what I need. I intend to go out and make my dreams come true :-).  

Rodney Atkins Concert!

     I had the opportunity to go with work to the Rodney Atkins concert at the Scera Shell Amphitheater in Orem. It was SO fun. We did end up having to leave early, but it was so great to relax and let loose a little bit. So much stress, I deserved to have a little fun! We even got rained on!!! I definitely didn't mind, as we were rewarded with a beautiful double rainbow, in which we could see all the colors so brilliantly!

                   


 

Fill 'er up!

     Okay, so this post isn't at all about filling anything up as it is filling all of YOU in on what's been going on the past few months of my life. My last post was about the newest addition to my little family, Dash. He's learnt, albeit slowly, that biting is not okay. At least now he doesn't draw blood when he bites, and has graduated to "nipping", which apparently is very different. He's gotten SO big! Luckily he's about as big as he's going to get now and therefore will continue to stay cute....Hopefully!

Isn't he the most adorable little creature you've ever seen?!?!

     On to the next order of business; As most of you should know by now, I have a new beau <3. His name is Stuart, and as cheesy as it sounds (like a 'frikkin cheeto!) he completes me....

Needless to say.......I am in love :-) <3

     Tonight was the Fourth of July. Yay! Independence Day! I got to spend the whole day with Stuart and his family (who all seem to like me by the way...it's about time I find a guy who is not only within the state, but who's family doesn't hate me). I'm getting ahead of myself, FIRST thing I did today was go to a photo shoot! One dedicated entirely to me and making me feel better about myself! It SOOO worked! I felt so good afterward and loved almost all of the pictures we took. I will absolutely be posting a few of my favorites as soon as my photographer friend gives them to me! After the pictures, I got to hang out with my honey, had a BBQ with his family, stopped at MY family's BBQ to say "hi!" and then went to Trafalga for some good ole' fashioned miniature golf. After it got dark we could see fireworks above the trees as we finished up the golf game. I must say, it was so nice to have a reason to be happy on our country's Independence Day. Did I mention Stuart was a Marine?? Sexy, eh? ;-)

     Time sure flies when you're having fun! :-) I don't know where things will end up, but I absolutely LOVE where they are headed!

     Thank you to everyone who has been there for me the past few months and thank you to those who haven't been but wanted to be. For those of you who haven't been there, and haven't wanted to be...against all odds, I still love you too ;-) :-D!

This is going to be interesting...

     I added a new addition to my family yesterday since I finally got my tax return (which is already gone by the way...ugh...I hate being responsible with my money :-/). His name is Dash, and he is VERY feisty. I can see I am going to have my hands full teaching him biting is NOT okay, as well as training to use his litter box to GO in rather than sleep in.
   

   
     He's definitely cute whilst sleeping, but once he wakes up he becomes quite the terror. I'm sure he and I will learn plenty about each other over time, until then, trial and error is our game! (Dunno how long I can handle him tearing my skin open though...)

What do you do when you fall off the horse?

     Lately, I've been slacking on quite a few things. I'm working on improving myself and my lifestyle...most importantly I'm attempting to change an entire way of thinking that has plagued me for years. I tend to think the worst of every single situation I'm presented with. I'm an extreme pessimist, and even in the best of times, I can always seem to find the bad. I've finally decided to stop talking about change, but actually implementing it.
   
     I've started by getting out a little more. Going out with friends on the weekends or going on dates. I've also decided to put my bedroom through hell by tearing everything apart, getting rid of things, and overall, just making it look like new. The process has been very slow going, and very, very stressful, but it's finally looking like it's getting somewhere. Maybe in a later post, when it's finally completed, I will post before and after pictures ;-).
   
     I wanted to thank all of the friends who have been there for me through the tough times I've faced, not only recently, but long since past as well. Your support is the reason I am here today, the reason I am doing so well, and the reason I strive to better myself. I know I have been tough to handle, and I know there have been times you've all wanted to throw up your hands in defeat, but thank you for sticking it out and being there for me 'til the 'end'.

A New Found Passion

     I've recently made a friend who I've quickly become quite close with. He's a great guy and extremely talented. I was privileged enough to be shown many of his various talents first hand. One of which, I've grown very fond of: Photography.
     Dave and I went out to Utah lake yesterday (Sunday I meant, since I began writing this post Monday) so I could use his fancy camera and he could prove to me that I've got more talent than I give myself credit for.

IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!

     

     On a normal day when I am coming down to the lake, it is whilst driving a big white van so the girls inside it can have a look as we drive by. As I drive, I find myself wishing I was the one in the back so that, just once, I could look at everything else.  Not only was I NOT the driver on Sunday, but I also got to get out and walk around and attempt to capture the beauty that I saw. 

     I was able to see things I would NEVER have seen from the street, let alone whilst driving.

     Not only was I able to relax and just have fun, but Dave also gave me some pointers, since he himself is a photographer. I loved being able to learn something new, have fun, and above all just 'chill' with a friend. It's nice to be able to go out, outside of work of course, and experiment a little with new things.

Thanks for a great time and for showing me something I could be good at