Moving Past...Everything....

     You know when something goes completely wrong in your life, and you are left not only devastated and heartbroken, but so completely lost that you can't think, can't feel anything but the pain, can't see any light. When these things happen, you are left with the opportunity, yes, I said opportunity, to make a choice. You can choose to let what happened completely destroy you, tear you down and beat you day in and day out, always leaving you on the brink of death. OR you can allow the pain to make you a better person.
   
     Recently, as you all now know, I went through a pretty difficult breakup. I realize many breakups are difficult, and I don't claim to have it any better or worse than anyone else. This breakup was very unexpected, which is why, I'd imagine, it was as difficult as it was. One day, we are at this nieces baby shower blessing, him mentioning that church is where we would have OUR babies blessed, and talking about moving in together, and that very night "I need time to figure out what it is I want. WHO I want." A week later, he chose her over me. I was devastated. I went from engaged, almost being a wife, step mother, daughter in law, and sister in law, to nothing.

     Angry, hurt, bitter. No words were enough to describe my feelings. How could he leave me, and for her, of all people. Why wasn't I good enough? After beating myself up, tearing myself down with questions that made me the bad guy, that made ME the problem, I asked myself "Why do I care?" I've never had the best self esteem, and have never felt very highly of myself, but suddenly I felt empowered. Angry, but at the right people. I told myself that I was worth more than the torture I was putting myself through. I deserved to be loved and cherished, and to be with a man who see's only me. I deserve a man who will love and care for me JUSTas much as I do for him.

     Why was I wasting my time hurting over someone who never really loved me? When I realized I could do so much better, I stopped hurting. I was smiling and making friends, going out and having fun. Overall, I felt better.

     Sure, now and then I have my lonely nights. I get a little bit down and find myself missing him, was bound to happen no matter how well I was doing. I am happy though definitely not quite ready to move on...and that's okay because I have been able to overcome this trial (and yes it is a work in progress) I have many new friends, am getting ahead financially, making plans for my future that, for once, are not centered around a man.

     This coming year is going to be so good and so productive. I am excited to start getting ahead in my life and work on being a full, happy person all on my own. No more counting on men to make me happy. I know, given time, I will be able to accomplish anything and everything I put my mind to.

     I know we all have struggles and none are easier or harder than the things anyone else has to face!  Everyone handles things differently and something that I consider "easy to deal with" may be the most difficult thing someone else has ever faced. Regardless of what we face and where we are at in life, it is SO important that we never let even the worst of our struggles defeat us. Don't let them win!

     This year, I've started going to the gym every day that I work. I will be doing yoga at home on my own daily. Eating out less and spending less money overall will help me save money and aid in getting farther and farther ahead in my goals, especially in the financial aspect of my life. Friend(s) have been joining me at the gym and I have not missed a day since we started! In exercising and eating better, I have already noticed a change in my mood and how my body feels overall (and I mean more than the soreness).

     People all over talk about New Years Resolutions and what they would like to accomplish in the coming year. I always thought that they seemed kind of dumb, especially when it turned out that within the first months of the New Year, they have given up. This is my first year setting resolutions for myself. Luckily, I've got friends to help me through and help make sure I stick to it.

     Thank you, again for those of you who have been here for me through everything, and especially those who have supported me through some of the more private struggles. It means the world to me that so many of you care, and it has helped me through more than you could possibly know. I love my new friends as much as I love the old and you all mean the world to me. Without you, I would not be where I am today: on my way to being a better, more successful person.

 I hope that each and every one of you have as good a year as I know I'm going to have!

WELCOME TO 2013!