Why So Difficult?

     Have you ever noticed that we always find what should be the simplest of things to be the most difficult? You'd think that we would easily be able to see all the good that we have and ignore all the bad. Why does it have to be so dang hard to be positive?
     I know that I'm not the only person to dwell almost 100% on what I don't have. I wouldn't say I'm greedy (though some do say I am asking a little too much). I'm not asking for cars and money, I'm not asking for material things. Can one be greedy and selfish if all they want is to be happy?
     I guess that in order to answer that question, you have to ask yourself, what would truly make you happy? Me? All I really want is to be with the man I love, to be happy and stable, and to start a family. I'd love to be near my immediate and extended family as well, but I know I could be happy even if the only thing I could have is a child of my own and the man I love. I realize that I could be a lot more grateful for the things I have, if only I knew how to forget about what I lack.
     Have you ever wanted something so much that you'd do anything to get it? Do you remember what it was like when you were young, and you could say things like: "I'm going to be a police man when I grow up!" or "I wanna be an ice cream truck driver!"?  For as long as I remember, I have wanted to be a wife...a mother...When what I have now consists of good things, like a roof over my head and food (even though I rarely eat anymore), it also consists of a lot of loneliness.

     It's taken me months to try and finish this post. I've had it sitting in the drafts since I posted last, and just haven't been able to find the proper words to finish. All I can say now, is that there's a lesson to be learned in everything we do. I'm confident that living without my dreams for the next 4 years will be one of the hardest things I'll ever do, but I know that God will make it worth it for me. I will admit, that today, so far at least, I am not feeling quite as negative about everything, and that tomorrow I may bounce back to thinking that it's hopeless and not even want to get up, but for now, this moment, I can be grateful for what I have: A man who loves me, who just wants to support me and give me everything he can.